The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
