I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
