you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
