I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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