dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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