dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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