just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
