just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
