i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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