There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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