Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
