Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
