I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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