Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
