They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
