I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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