Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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