My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
