His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
