The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
