i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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