He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
