cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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