When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sext me about skeletons
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
