I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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