My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
