Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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