put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it glows. i had to have it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
