So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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