i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
