Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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