Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
