i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
