I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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