All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
