Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
