Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
