I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
