Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
