I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
