distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
try to milk me bitch
Randomize