Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I understand Curling. That high.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
