I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize