i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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