just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
