i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
