I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
