Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize