no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I won the penis lottery.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
