Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
