I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
