I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
