You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
