Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
