I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
