I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
