Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just pee around me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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