Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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