I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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