I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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