my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
