Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
