Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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