she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
