Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
