this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
