shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
