was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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