My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
