1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
