I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
