He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
