I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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