sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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