ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
