the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
