Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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